Sidewalks
Dear Diary,
I am a mess and I emphasize mess because
I tend to fall in love with men on the sidewalk
who smile my way
clutching coffee cups and aspirations
like their only possessions.
And I always used to cry at that one television commercial
about the couple falling in love on gum wrappers
even though that’s kind of odd
and maybe a bit pathetic but
I did it anyway.
And now I just cry
thinking about everything I’ve done
as well as what’s to come.
And I still don’t like to step on the cracks because
if I broke Judy’s back I would never be able
to forgive myself for causing her more pain than
I already have.
And I wish I knew how to channel all my energies
into something useful like curing cancer
or re-writing the bible but I know I never will
so I sit here hoping, waiting, wishing
for the moment everything’s okay.
And I keep setting fire to myself
because I wanted to keep you warm
to keep you close to me.
And I like to say I’m crazy but I know I’m not
but it’s simpler saying that than I’m just sad
