7/19/24
I’m always “hanging in there” and “laughing through the pain.” Trying to have faith in the universe and believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m really, really trying.
I am alone. For the first time in my life I have no parents or partner to support me. No hand to hold, or shoulder to cry on. It is just… me. I’m scared, overwhelmed, and exhausted. Life is constantly testing me and all I want to do is throw myself on the ground and kick and scream until every problem disintegrates.
I come home to an empty room. No wagging tails or kisses on cheeks. Reciting the occurrences of my day to my childhood stuffed animals. I avoid cooking meals because I will also have to wash the dishes. I blast playlists and podcasts on my speaker, to drown out the deafening silence.
I read once that loneliness is a feeling, and not a state of being. Every day I remind myself that I may feel lonely, but I am not alone. Logically, I understand this truth, but the crushing feeling of solitude remains. Two truths can exist at the same time: I am not alone, but I feel so incredibly lonely. Yes, I will get through these struggles, and hardships teach us many lessons, but sometimes I need to set a timer for ten minutes and sob into my pillow.
