Rewriting the Script: Overcoming Self Doubt and Finding Confidence in Intimacy
It's supposed to be like how you see it in the movies, right? When you and your partner have a steamy, cosmic moment, where you can't get enough of each-other, so you just go for it. You're making out heavily, and one thing leads to another... Your clothes are coming off and the next thing you know, your most intimate parts of yourself, that you're the most self conscious of, are out in the open for your partner (and what feels like) the world to see.
Then the world freezes, and all insecurities smack you in the face, making you suddenly forget how to breathe, never mind proceed with your partner. It's supposed to be like how you see it in the movies, right?
That hot and steamy moment fades away with your confidence, and turns into a cold, hard stop, because your anxiety just killed the moment. Everything and anything about your body that you've ever felt self conscious about is now surfacing during a moment that's supposed to be fun and spontaneous. It's supposed to be how you see it in the movies, right?
If sex is supposed to be cinematic, then how come that's not how I'm experiencing it? How do you not feel self conscious about your body, especially in a moment of intimacy when you should be focused on enjoying and exploring yourself and your partner? I’m asking for myself, as I've allowed my anxieties to kill moments that are supposed to be beautiful. I've been mid-size/plus size for as long as I can remember. I don't remember a time where I wasn't self-conscious - Prom, family events, posing with friends smaller or thinner than me, engagement pictures, and wedding photos (just to name a few major milestones). Intimate moments are supposed to feel great for everyone; you're supposed to let go and enjoy. I've held back on exploring different sexual positions, and overall being more adventurous in the bedroom all because of my weight, my size, what the view would look like, or if being in a certain position would make me look heavy. I've missed out in intimate moments, due to the weight of my own anxiety, not even the weight of my own body. Anxiety can feel larger than life. Self love doesn't live here all the time, and if you're a plus size reader, I hear you, I feel you, and I am with you.
I wish we saw this part in the movies, and I wish this was taught to everyone across the world. I long for a day that the words "self conscious" don't exist, and it's nothing but a distant memory. Have you ever felt self-conscious? What did you do, to make yourself not feel self-conscious? What if it was something out of your control; how would you come to terms of acceptance & loving yourself more for it? What would you do to talk up one of your best friends when they're feeling down? What can we do more of, to spread self love awareness for ourselves, and those around us?
Screw the movies - let's change the narrative for ourselves & everyone we meet. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to your best friend. Be your own best friend. Who cares if your thighs are large? Who cares if your belly is round? Who cares if your skin jiggles a little? Who cares if you have stretch marks?. Help change that narrative for ourselves, our peers, and the future. Everyone has insecurities, nobody is alone. You are beautiful. You are enough. Nobody else besides you can be YOU, and that… is your superpower.
