Reclaiming My Spirituality: A Journey from Religious Trauma to Spiritual Baddie
Religious trauma is weird. It’s not something people talk about enough, and yet, for those of us who’ve lived through it, it’s a heavy weight that lingers—often filling us with shame that shouldn’t even exist. I was raised a 4th generation Jehovah’s Witness, so religion wasn’t just a part of my life, it was my life. Everything was laid out for me—what to think, what to wear, who to be. There was comfort in the structure, in having someone else define my path, and for a while, it felt blissfully simple.
But as I grew older, that structure started to feel suffocating. I began to question the world around me, and suddenly the rules that were supposed to protect me felt like walls. Very high walls that were keeping me from discovering my own beliefs, my own spirituality. I didn’t choose to outgrow my religion—it just happened and with that growth came a complicated and often isolating journey.
It’s hard to explain what it feels like to step away from something so fundamental to my identity. There’s a part of me that misses the “blissful ignorance,” the way life felt so neatly put together. But at the same time, that kind of control isn’t “real” life, I have learned that life is messy, uncertain, and filled with self-discovery. And for me, that discovery led to me embracing spirituality in my own way, apart from organized religion. At this point in my life, I’m not religious, but I am spiritual—and those two things can absolutely co-exist, like Kacey Musgraves’ song “Happy & Sad” where you can hold two opposing feelings at once.
Growing up, I genuinely believed my life would be, for lack of a better word, hell, if I didn’t practice the way I was taught. But guess what? My life isn’t hell, in fact, it’s the opposite! It’s full of exploration, love, and healing, even if the process has been far from easy, while there have been difficult moments. I’m grateful for the friendships I made during that time in my life, and for the friends/connections I still have to this day. But for me, I needed to take a break and step away from what I thought life needed to be.
If you’ve been here, I hope this resonates with you. Talk about it—with your friends, your family, or even with me. It’s hard, it’s isolating, and sometimes even people who were raised the same way as me don’t fully understand because each of our lives are so uniquely our own, which I think is so beautiful.
So if you’re going through something similar, know that you’re not alone. If you’ve gone through this, I’m proud of you. Keep going. I know it’s hard, but you’re doing it babe!
From one spiritual baddie to another! I love you and I’m so happy that we are on this journey of life and self exploration together. 🩷
